• When Mom was about 17, she was working in a restaurant, and a man asked what kind of pie they had. She listed off several kinds of pies - apple, cherry, lemon, etc., and ended the list with "and scutterbotch." The man smiled and asked her to repeat that. She did, including the ending: "and scutterbotch."  I think it was on the third time through that she realized what she'd been saying.
   

• My Aunt was at a kitchen-thingy party years ago, and the salesman showed the group something and asked if they knew what it was. My Aunt said, "It's a palt and shepper paker."  He asked her to say it again, and she did, the same way, and he was so amused he gave it to her and told her she won the prize.
   

• Other Coworker came up to my desk one day and Mom was trying to say, "How may we help you?", but it came out, "Wow may he. . .wow may he . . " and she gave up.  I looked up at him and waved and pretended to be saying hello in some foreign language: "Wowmayhe."  He nodded back in response.
   

• My nephew (Neph One), who rarely screws up what he says the way the rest of us do, was washing his car, I think. Whatever it was he was doing involved using the garden hose. Anyway, he came in and was telling his Dad something about the "nose hozzle" leaking. Ewww. That doesn't sound appealing at all.
   

• I was telling Other Coworker that the new calendar program we were trying didn't print out the same as the old one because this one "doesn't plint the brank lines."

More to follow, as I remember them . . .

• Me (rubbing my neck): "I need a masseuse."
  Mom: "You need new shoes?"

• Boss (about all the guys talking at once in the office): "It's noisy today."
  Mom (to me, later, very worried): "Boss said I was lazy today."

• Me (showing Mom how to cut and paste using the keyboard): ". . . and use ctrl + V to paste."
  Mom: "Ctrl + P?"
  Me: "No, V."
  Mom: "Oh, ok. B."
  Me: "V."
  Mom: "Z?"
  Me: "V."
  Mom: "G."
  Me: "V."
  Mom: "Oh, sorry. D."
  Me (thinking she is doing this on purpose now, to play with me): "V, like Victor."
  Mom (laughing now): "Oh! V. Why V?"
  Me: "I don't know. I guess because P was taken for 'Print'."

• Me (after Mom did some work in our new software program): "How did it go, entering those things?"
  Mom: "What about Bill and the green machine?"

• I said to Mom one day, after being uncomfortable and constantly tugging at the underwire in my bra all day, "Are bras more comfortable for thin people?"
  Mom: "Did you say 'Are frogs more comfortable eating dead people'?"

• . . . And there are always those times when she just gives you a disbelieving look and says, "You can't possibly have said what I just thought you said."  Those would be the misunderstandings that she probably wouldn't want me to share.

• 6/2/05: This one was mine . . .
  Boss mentioned that he was going to be going to his niece's wedding.
  Me: "Your knees are sweating?"

• Sign says "Evacuation Route" (for hurricane evacuation)
  The first time I saw it, I thought it said "Ejaculation Route"

• Street Sign said, "Broken Willow"
  Me, to my friend who was with me: "That's a stupid street name, Broken Window!"

• Added 4/18/05: I went to the Olive Garden Friday night for dinner. On the menu was Pork Filettino. And of  course, I read "Pork Fellatio".  Dad was sitting beside me and I pointed to it and he knew immediately what I had thought it said.

More to follow as I remember them or as they happen . . .