My Most Embarrassing Moments

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!
My Most Embarrassing Moments (in no particular order):

This is a list I will keep adding to as I remember more stuff.

I used to work for a telemarketing company, verifying orders already placed. They had the computer-dialing system, so we'd just sit and wait for someone to answer their phone, and when they did, their name and address and order information would pop up on our screen at the same time. We used to hear a little buzzing sort of sound on the headset as the screen filled in, so even if we didn't hear the customer answer the phone, we knew they were on the line and I'd start saying, "Hello, may I speak with . . ." and then by that time the name was on the screen and I could add the name, usually without missing a beat. Well, this one night was kind of slow, so I started writing a poem to put on the answering machine at home (I was with Jane at the time). I wrote something like, "We may not be home, or we may be asleep, so leave your message after the beep". I was on the word "asleep" when I heard the buzz, and the name on the screen was a woman's name, I think it was Julie, but it was a man who answered the phone. Well, I had the word "asleep" in my head, so I said, "Hello, may I sleep with Julie?" I realized what I'd said just as the man said "WHAT??" I kept a straight face and acted as if he just hadn't heard me right, and I said, "May I speak with Julie?" I was somehow able to keep it together until I got off the phone and then I lost it laughing.

One night, my sister was at my place and was staying the night because we were going on a shopping day out of town the next day with our parents. I hadn't known until the last minute that she would be staying, so I didn't straighten up first. I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, she had straightened the sheets and blankets on the bed, and there on my side, just under the cover, was my purple. . .um . . .toy , which I'd forgotten leaving in the bed the night before! I put my hands up to cover my face and said I was so embarrassed, and she said, "Don't be. If I had one, it would be in my bed all the time."

Then, one other day, D and her then-partner, who was sometimes called Princess, were over and I was putting away laundry. I opened my underwear drawer to put some underwear away, and Princess smiled and said "Whoo Hoo", and I thought she was joking about seeing my underwear and I didn't give it a thought. The next morning, I opened that drawer to get a pair of underwear out, and there, nestled among my undies was . . . you guessed it . . .that same purple toy! I must have thrown it in the drawer earlier that week when I was neatening up and found it in the bed.

I told this story when I took heatherash's "breasts" survey, in answer to question #10 (do you stuff your bra? did you ever?): I don't now, but once, when I was about 18, I volunteered for a friend's political campaign, and on election night, I went to the party while we waited for the results. I dressed up a little and stuck a pair of shoulder pads in my bra so I'd look bigger (and in my mind, older, since my friends were all in their 20's and 30's that were there that night). Well, I had a couple drinks and a guy who was my neighbor (and turned out to be a cop - I didn't realize which neighbor he was until we got to his car) drove me home. I didn't notice until I got home that one of those shoulder pads had slipped up and was showing in the V-neck of my shirt. I was so embarrassed I could have died right then, and I never stuffed again.
Then there is the story I wrote about here: I'll never forget the day I told Coworker about my new realization about myself. That was back when I still felt I was bisexual (that short time of transition, as it turned out). I hadn't said anything to anyone at work, and only talked about personal things on the phone with RB if no one was in the office or if I went outside. But this one day, Coworker asked me if I'd "like" to give him a purchase order number. Well, I had to be a smartass, so I said, "Would I like to? Ehh, I could go either way on that." So he said, "I hear you can go either way on a lot of things." I felt my face turn beet red, and I asked, as calmly as I could fake, "What makes you say that?" He just did a mysterious, "I don't know" and dropped it. Other people were in and out the rest of the day and I never got to question him any more about it. All I could think was that one day when I was talking to RB on the phone, Coworker must have been there and I didn't know it. Maybe around a corner or something. And THEN I started thinking of the kinds of things I had said on the phone when I thought I was alone, and I was mortified. I was totally freaking out inside. It was a Friday, and I knew I wouldn't be able to wait until Monday, so I called him at home that evening. I asked him what made him say what he'd said earlier and he didn't know what I meant. I reminded him of the joke he made, and he said he didn't know - that he just said it because it popped into his head. Then he asked why. So I told him I had recently realized I was bi but hadn't told anyone, and he cracked up once it hit him. He said he just has that way of saying things out of the blue, for no apparent reason, and hitting a nerve with the person he's talking to. He said he does that with his kids all the time and their faces turn pale and they ask how he knew whatever it was.